Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
