I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
