Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
