New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
