Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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