You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
