Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
