I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
