he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
