Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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