so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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