Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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