This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
