My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
