It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just blew my weed a kiss
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
