I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
