I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
