Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I love you.
Bad choice
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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