Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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