I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
