im holly from the hills drunk
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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