I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
