if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
