i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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