apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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