I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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