For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
