She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
