I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Farmville is her only friend.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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