She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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