I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
