Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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