I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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