i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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