if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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