Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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