She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
