I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
