dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
