He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
