Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
