i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
