I'd wear matching sweaters with you
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
me + whiskey = a bad person
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
