i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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