My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
