Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just had sex on a roof
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
