I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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