I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Randomize
