go do what you do best...puke behind churches
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
