I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
