Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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