Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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