I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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