Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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