we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
