I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
