I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
