Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
