Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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