I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize