I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize