Betty ford says i'm here all night
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
