you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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