I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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