My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just puked most of my soul out..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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