ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
