They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
