never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
